Terrifying to think that this, THIS, is the material being handed out by a self proclaimed mental health advocate and one who clearly owns no conscience A plethora of whining, self pity, hate, bullying, negativity, falseness and full of ableism Although not surprising coming from an author who lacks need for a wheelchair and yet puts themself on display in one Did I mention fat shaming Yes, bullying of those who are overweight, but this is okay apparently for the author who is also the narrator because she is underweight and states to have been subjected to questions of having an eating disorder if you are underweight and living with depression, any doctor, ANY would have concern particularly if quite clearly you are both depressed with protruding bones the photographs of the author in the book, portray a woman who is skeletal in figure so to speak Is it wrong to be a medical professional and worry for your patient, if you have an inkling that they are not giving you all the details and are not wellbecause physically they do not appear to be, and which is alarming when you take into account the female male is also not well emotionally or mentally I felt the author should know this to be common sense but sadly, they are without common sense the you read on Mocking mental illness by giving nicknames other patients in the vicinity which are profoundly rude and grotesque enough to make me vomit Many others have already pointed out the other obvious issues with this publication including the further, making a mockery, repulsive fashioning of mental illness with barely there shirts and their alleged witty actually in bad taste slogans And why, WHY does this author need to waste what seemed to be a lifetime of pages talking about a paperclip YES, A PAPERCLIP Forget the stockings, the spiral note book, the lumps of hair spread in photographs across pages or pages wasted on just a listing of the word pain it was like being back in detention at school what relevance had this paperclip It s no wonder the author decides to focus near ALL of their attention on the fictional side of the book, Emily with a Y, when going on about oh and boy has she gone on about it for seven years and counting The autobiography side was visibly made up to near full extent particularly if you read the book over a few times as I have, to try and understand it, and dissect it in depth I feel this author is a walking barrel of untruths and should not attempt to advocate anything regarding mental illness until they understand the sensitivity of it, understand why publications such as this are a works that makes for contrary to advocating something that, by an actual publisher, would never be published possibly a reason why this book does not even own a barcode. The Asylum For Wayward Victorian girls is an autobiographical psychological thriller with an intriguing title that depicts, at first, the autobiographical modern tale of the authors brief stay in a mental institution Narrated throughout by the author, Emilie, a self invented highly conceited but in small doses likeable American McGee s Alice This was the only story I cared for and the only reason I made my purchase, I have often been fascinated by what goes on within the creative mind of this unapologetic and at times discourteous artist, so when this was available at a price I could afford I made my purchase in hopes to discover about the author and why their behaviour is how it is.The first event of the psychological journal, that is presented in the form of a Neo Victorian scrapbook, is when the character of Emilie based on the Author is interrupted during the process of attempting to commit suicide Through the ever common and poignant farewell of drug overdosing, which is typically critical if ingested with alcohol or illegal drugs, though not completely reliable A most lethal method of overdose which is not described by the author would be barbiturates, which were oft prescribed years ago for sleep due to insomnia etc , though now are rarely prescribed, and extremely difficult to obtain Seconal Secobarbital and Nembutal Pentobarbital are the two of the greatly effective barbiturates for a quick painless death, which would never be prescribed to a patient with depressive disorders that indicate planning or tendencies regarding suicide Emilie being one of these patients, in the modern 2000 s would have had something similar to benzodiazepines for anxiety and to treat insomnia, and which can be taken with other medications depending on patient need Zoloft etc , usually prescribed by therapists to those with suicidal tendencies due to benzodiazepines being lesser danger when it comes to risk of overdose The suicide attempt is prevented by the roomie who encourages Emilie to vomit the pills through the method of Hydrogen Peroxide ingestation Emilie would have had small side effects including slight risk of hydrogen peroxide poisoning due to it being an oxidising agent , and the side effects alongside vomiting may cause irritation of the gastrointestinal tract with the nausea and vomiting, haematemesis and foaming at the mouth the foam may obstruct the respiratory tract or result in pulmonary aspiration Though the method of hydrogen peroxide to vomit the sleeping pills may have incurred, Emilie would have had slight side effects such as painful gastric distension or belching caused by the liberation of large volumes of oxygen in the stomach, particularly if hydrogen peroxide is swallowed The character who doesn t even need a general not psychiatric hospital visit to what would be an accident and emergency unit,after the occurance, reports straight to her therapist, with no blistering of the mucosae and oropharyngeal burns which are common following ingestion of concentrated solutions At least coughing and transient dyspnoea, a form of laboured breathing which the onset of should not be ignored medical attention should be sought would be present If the character of Emilie inhaled a highly concentrated solution of hydrogen peroxide she would have experienced the cause of severe irritation and inflammation of mucous membranes, with coughing and dyspnoea I did find it odd that after recollecting the event with her therapist, she is only warned that he will summon an ambulance and send her to hospital, if she reports to the office for her appointment but makes no suggestion of her going to be physically examined for the after effects of hydrogen peroxide into the throat immensely odd or immediately being mandatory sent under involuntary to a mental health facility.Also subsequent to the event of swallowing a concentrated solution and attempting suicide, she does not go to seek an evaluation, and is apparently not immediately sent to seek psychiatric aid Though as said, makes the choice to just verbally share the experience with her therapist The genuinity of her experience began to fall apart in my opinion when Emilie is after some time, though not immediate despite the description of the severity of the event, alleged to legally be obliged to undergo a voluntary seventy two our stay under suicide watch, which is typically for involuntary patients placed under an intensive monitoring process as a result of them exhibiting warning signs indicating that they may be at risk of committing bodily harm or fatal self injury As voluntary, Emilie, unlike these patients would have been allowed to leave at any time It may be that she underwent periodic suicide watch, which would have seen her monitored through frequent periodic checks instead of the intense suicide watch, where an involuntary patient would be chronically observed, including with a member of staff present Though it is not probable considering the arrogant narrator and character of Emilie describes being left in the waiting room, due to cramped and unavailable space, on the contrary to the therapists suggestion that she immediately be put under observation and in a hospital gown and stockings, no less which are continuously referred to throughout that book and are about as irritating as nails on a chalk board Patients needing to undergo observation due to sectioning, whether periodic or intense suicide watch, would be stripped as Emilie describes, inaccurately of anything which may bring great risk and place them in immediate danger of death, as is psychiatric regulation, including the removal of shoelaces, belts, neck ties, bras, shoes, socks, stockings, suspenders, linen for the bed and braces, all of which can be used as a noose or a form of strangulation In expressing what had entailed to her therapist, he, as a medical professional responsible for her would have indicated that these will be removed for her safety during his informing of her rights under a mental health act before her decision is concluded to attend a psychiatric hospital to undergo suicide watch.In a high severity case, in sexed wards, patients may be stripped entirely Emilie s claim of not being able to make a phone call completely sold me on the fact that this book was pure fiction, and no autobiographical content present, since as voluntary and as most are able, would be able and have flexible ability to stay in contact with appointed friends if they do not have family , family or carers Not every person who attempts suicide is immediately admitted to a psych ward and Emilie s account being near completely wrong, made the book aggrivate me to the extent of putting it down Then again I realised upon continued reading, this is a supposed and self proclaimed researcher and historian who believes electro shock therapy to still be performed the Nineteenth Century way, although many experienced patient or professional will inform us that it is now performed under a general anaesthetic and uses muscle relaxants, so that the muscles only twitch slightly, and the body does not convulse during the fit, a form of seizure brought on to aid severe depression, mania or catatonia, that being if the patient shows no response to the experimented medications or therapies Many patients have found it helpful and have even requested to have it again Myself included, Electroconvulsive therapy provided me with a genuine amount of relief towards my psychiatric illness and I did not feel a thing Of course I gave informed consent and it hasn t been solely a prevention I won t lie and say I haven t experienced a relapse at some point, naturally I have Despite it being painless, I did have side effects such as being in a small state of confusion with acute memory loss but it subsided and I have benefit from this treatment, particularly with continued medication such as Remeron, Wellbutrin XL and Zoloft I only had to have it though because my mania was prolonged to the extent of my loss of self control and it inflicted with the suicidal thoughts I had to the extent of intending to act upon them vigorously Anyhow, this is not my story being told, so back to Emilie s story As well as those annoying stockings which are a dead give away to just how fictionalized the characters experiences are, Emilie apparently also convinces a member of staff, a nurse whose job would be on the line no less, to allow her one of her books and a crayon to write of her experiences Allegedly the voluntary short term patient, Emilie is transferred to a hospital ward, inappropriate to her needs and solely reserved for the long time patients due to the earlier mentioned lack of space Here Emilie the author stupidly recollects how she was given permission to have her spiral notebook a spiral metal bound notebook, with metal components also a risk to patients, including any long term patient with severe mental illness god forbid they got their hands on it,and against regulation, which would have seen the staff member fired or under observation themselves for their lack of acknowledgement of the facilities health and safety rules and a pen Routinely she is said to have checked in and out of the nurse s station every morning and night Throughout she described being ill treated and yet seems to have undergone special treatment, this must have been because her illness was far superior to the inferior needs of others at least this is what you learn from the narcissist lurking within the opinions of Emilie And upon finding scraps of asylum accounts by Emil y within her against regulation notebook begins to reveal her take on American McGee s Alice As many have pointed out.This book was no different to the thousands of psychological mental health biographies out there except for the fact that it didn t appear to be of true accounts, and for it s unoriginality and exaggerations, and incorrectness regarding mental illness and historical fact is not a book that I would read again I would probably only recommend the book to those who are fans of the author, as it makes well for a collectible item, which is why I will keep hold of mine, a second edition Critical acclaim can be given for the authors investiture within the books appearance but nothing else, in my personal readers opinion I feel the authors madness, is purely aesthetic for their art and is possibly a persona taken on to infuse their career with thrill and give it an appeal Though I do not think that mental illness should be made saleable in such a way, I also do not think the author has any intention to harm but does so unknowingly As many others have stated this is in slight offensive to many with mental illnesses, including bipolar Though if anyone feels it helps them or comforts them, regardless of its misinterpretations and falsehoods, then good for those readers as this cannot be classed as a bad thing for all.For me though, in its entirety it does make reference to subjects that are not clearly understood, experienced, or researched enough to make them even appear in slight believable, there are so many off accounts facts in the book that for me at times it was emotionally hard to attach myself to the characters, mentally consider the story Emilie s as real and with no ill intent or rude ambition aimed at the other, I physically couldn t read it again for this reason The author has a very narrow minded and inaccurate view of Britain also, with very stereotypical views that are meant to support their knowledge of the United Kingdom, in this case London, but fail on so many levels I feel if the fictionalized tale was based in America, a land to which the author is born and bred from with greater knowledge it would have been much enjoyable and their self historical writing convincing It is the typical depicting s of an Anglophile and for me, was far far too similar to American McGee s Alice which was for the most part well studied and presented to the gamer I will say this, if you want to read it or are intrigued by it, then buy it and read it because this is only one persons opinion and people need to come to their own conclusions The majority of the reviews here seem to be by those who listen to the authors music, and I quote one who left a review that said I haven t read it, but anything Emilie Autumn gets five stars, I think these types of reviews are deceiving and unfair to the author whose music shouldn t even been brought up in a review which is focused on the book, it has no relation and this isn t a review for Emilie Autumn The Musician, but Emilie Autumn The author, who deserves honest reviews from honest readers, whether critiqued as good or bad. Two Young Women, Living Centuries Apart, Both Accused Of Madness, Communicate Across Time To Fight A Common Enemy Their Doctors It Was The Dog Who Found Me Such Is The Stark Confession Launching The Harrowing Scene That Begins The Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls As Emilie Autumn, A Young Musician On The Verge Of A Bright Career, Attempts Suicide By Overdosing On The Antipsychotics Prescribed To Treat Her Bipolar Disorder Upon Being Discovered, Emilie Is Revived And Immediately Incarcerated In A Maximum Security Psych Ward, Despite Her Protestations That She Is Not Crazy, And Can Provide Valid Reasons For Her Actions If Someone Would Only ListenTreated As A Criminal, Heavily Medicated, And Stripped Of All Freedoms, Emilie Is Denied Communication With The Outside World, And Falls Prey To The Unwelcome Attentions Of Dr Sharp, Head Of The Hospital S Psychiatry Department As Dr Sharp Grows Predatory By The Day, Emilie Begins A Secret Diary To Document Her Terrifying Experience, And To Maintain Her Sanity In This Environment That Could Surely Drive Anyone Mad But When Emilie Opens Her Notebook To Find A Desperate Letter From A Young Woman Imprisoned Within An Insane Asylum In Victorian England, And Bearing Her Own Name And Description, A Portal To Another World Is Blasted Wide OpenAs These Letters From The Past Continue To Appear, Emilie Escapes Further Into This Mysterious Alternate Reality Where Sisterhoods Are Formed, Romance Between Female Inmates Blossoms, Striped Wallpaper Writhes With Ghosts, And Highly Intellectual Rats Speak The Queen S EnglishBut Is It Real Or Is Emilie Truly As Mad As She Is Constantly Told She Is The Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls Blurs Harsh Reality And Magical Historical Fantasy Whilst Issuing A Scathing Critique Of Society S Treatment Of Women And The Mental Health Care Industry S Treatment Of Its Patients, Showing In The Process That Little Has Changed Throughout The AgesWelcome To The Asylum Are You Committed I used to be a huge fan of Emilie until I saw her live and witnessed her performing a song called Manatee retard which mocked mentally handicapped people I found this odd coming from someone famously bipolar A family member surprised me with this book for Christmas thinking I was still a fan I feel bad because they emphasized on how expensive it was So I looked through it Not surprised in the least I found content discriminating those with mental disabilities, still I m stunned as Emilie s story speaks of her experiences with bipolar disorder, which I m still questioning as to whether is just a stage persona I m not trying to be mean here but it seems her actions are always contradictory to what she claims to be representing I don t understand why someone with this condition would poke fun at others in the same situation whatever their diagnosis It s disgusting For example in the book there is fun poked at schizophrenia I wasn t laughing Also really for 72 hours she endured this much I m not convinced, it seems exaggerated for salable reasons I ve read journals of many who ve stayed in much longer who didn t experience half as much nor did their experiences seem so much like a Hollywood screenplay intended for a horror, is this what I just read Some fictional screenplay for a future project because it feels that way I guess this is why the author has rewrote this book and republished it on so many occasions, because they realised just as I did that it was terrible Including a new completely rewritten edition on the way Maybe she will remove the nonsense about apparently being related to Alice in wonderland too It s so far fetched it s hard to be convinced by the autobiography side to be honest Which makes me feel bad because I don t want to point fingers or cry fraud or fictitious illness like some reviewers here have but it s how I ve been left feeling too Shame because she has an intriguing quality about her Also as a larger lady, I didn t like how she fat shamed and poked fun at the weight issue with one of the nurses in the book when she was talking of being accused of having an eating disorder, contradictory again After swallowing hydrogen peroxide how did she manage to not have any physical side effects Also the medication she talks of is specifically prescribed because they re not lethal enough to kill, and, why did she not suffer some side effects from ingesting so many I got really baffled here because she didn t even need a physical exam by a GP or a hospital she just sought her therapist Then volunteered herself to a mental hospital Approaching Emily with a y story but not sure I will continue reading, honestly, I m bored. Possibly SPOILERIFFIC You ve been warned I ve been a huge muffin of Emilie Autumn s for years now, even having met her on one glorious occasion after seeing her magnificent live show She is someone I highly look up to She s graceful, elegant, intelligent, talented and beautiful Of course we all knew her to be an incredible artist, but this book completely blew away any of the expectations I had The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls is a large, glossy coffee table book, and though it is kind of heavy its weight is overshadowed by its beauty Inside, the pages are glossy and in full colour, complete with photos, drawings and writings by Emilie herself When it came out on pre order, it was all I wanted for Christmas I received it in the mail on January the 18th, and temporarily put down the Picture of Dorian Gray so I could start it right away I, of course, found myself entirely unable to put it down until I finished it The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls is a mind fuck blend of fiction and reality The nonfictional portion consists of hospital entries written by Autumn, documenting her horrible stay in the mental health ward of a hospital The fictional portion follows her alter ego, Emily, a poor Victorian violin prodigy sent to a fancy girl s music school to pursue her gift What Emily doesn t know is that upon graduation the girls are sold off to different masters, where they must live under torture and slavery Emily s master is awful and cruel, but with the help of her maid they both escape, and with their master hot on their trail, they decide it better to jump off the bridge in double suicide than to be captured and taken back.Emily wakes up on the cold ground behind a cathedral, with soaking wet corpses all around her, all dragged from the water Left cold and alone, Emily ends up a beggar, wandering the streets with soaked clothes, and nowhere to go She soon finds herself jailed for stealing bread, and this eventually leads her to the Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls is a large dingy hospital full of girls, rats and Mengele like doctors The inmates are forced to endure outdoor showers that consist of being blasted with ice water, and are subject to bleedings with leeches and life threatening experiments that often lead to death On top of this, they are often forced into sexual encounters at the profit of the Asylum.Emily grows weak as she watches the death cart remove bodies of dozens of girls nightly She makes friends with a group of eccentric girls including the Captain and Veronica, and together they keep each other slightly happier Emily also makes friends with the rats, who ensure she has paper to piece together her thoughts and send them to Emilie in the hospital Together Emily, her friends and the rats decide they must take revenge on their detainers and take charge of the Asylum.I m not going to give away any of the story, but believe me, it s frigging good In fact, it s engrossing and mind blowing The ending is absolutely incredible The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls is not only mental institution fiction at its very best, but mental institution nonfiction as well.Reading of Emilie s experience in the hospital was nearly as terrifying as reading about Emily s experience in The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls Autumn has such craft and skill that despite the fact I read this book almost a year ago, the story remains as clear in my head as if I d lived it myself.Everything involved in the story really gives the reader insight as to how Emilie has become who she is today I m so happy to have met her I hope to again one day so I can tell her how much her book meant to me. I am still reading this book but so far is like factitious illness 101 Is very painful to read when you are living with mental illness because it feel a little like the author who was my hero until I read story is mocking us It feels like this was made up for the money, like stage character, it has many errors and it also seem like she actually has no empathy for anyone but herself specially people like me, living with mental illness It is like munchausen syndrome diary It s terrible I now realise her asylum theme is very wrong It s not advocate, it s negative I am sad that nearly two years ago I paid for pre order of audio book for this and she take my money and still no audio book and because I now know I do not like the story because I think most is faked I asked for a refund I have no refund to this day I am sorry to the author but I don t like this book it hurts my feelings as a suffering reader and I don t like that author sells the suffering of many for money and won t give the money back when product is not satisfactory and also still not even made I will never read material or follow material by miss autumn again I just can not support art that is damaging If you live with special needs then make sure to do everything to make life good You don t brag I am crazy or play it over like broken record or tell many lies. I have to say there seems to be a lot of ungenuine high ratings on this book to keep the rating up after Autums very public outcry regarding her book being rated one star She called it bullying I can t say I saw much evidence of this at the time except for one or two reviews which have thankfully been deleted It is sad that the author cannot understand that not everyone is going to enjoy their book But her outcry is why I am going to choose how I write my review carefully because clearly the author is sensitive to criticism and I don t want to offend At first I didn t count myself amongst those who disliked it because I had not yet read it On mothers day I got my copy as a gift yes I am one of her older followers and not a teenager Unfortunately I won t be finishing it because it makes me feel like a parent snooping in on their teenage daughters over dramatic diary It is too self absorbed, petty, pitiful and childish for my taste Since I have a daughter who suffers with suicidal tendencies and low self esteem from bullying at school, I had to put it down when I got to the point of being face to face with an image where this grown woman thinks it s humorous to mock suicide, and people suffering like my child, with shirts that have pen scribblings of hang in there on them for one example it gets stupefied as her story goes along I now understand why people doubt her experiences and think this is all a money or fame grab This is shameless and I can t think why you would feature such content in a book that you allegedly say has been publish in hopes to aid mental health reform You have to be slightly brain dead, still in primary school or have too much ego to care.You can smell the bull manure the moment you get passed her suicide attempt Did you know that you could swallow lethal peroxide with no medical side effects and no need for physical medical attention Autumn seems to think that as a reader I am stupid enough to think so Just as I am stupid enough to believe other things that scream out as fiction within Emilie s accounts I am saddened by the fact that it turned out to be that I dislike the book just as much as those accused of being bullies and am even saddened that, although my honest opinion, I am probably going to be counted as one of them I can t help it if I do not agree with the writers content I ve tried to be polite, word my review nicely and be as honest as possible and can finish my review by saying I am very much pleased I didn t get the audio book pre order as a gift because it s been two years, it s not yet finished although money has been taken and I would have been greatly dissapointed As a parent of a child suffering mental illness I would tell my child to avoid Emilie Autumn and not to follow any of her advice She has used her mental illness to be cruel, conceited, manipulative and dishonest in a way that she knows will sell and sadly I was sold on it until I read the book when it was too late But I m not one to judge a book by its cover I must peer into content first Her instrumental music is what I will continue to follow instead As an author I can t call myself one of her fans As a violinist, I think she is world class and worth a listen Just don t pay attention to the person behind the instrument. Hmm, well I m taking a few moments out of my day to write a review of this book as a kind of catharsis I need to just so I can mourn the loss of the time I spent with it, and move on.I ll begin by saying that it s an enormous pile of sh.., and the only reason I can imagine someone would read it is to see if their patience is strong enough Strong enough to reach the point where they find the reason why the author went to the trouble to put all these words on all these pages only to find yourself disappointed that there was no good purpose to it at all It offers no moral message, doesn t sway the reader s emotions other than inciting pity, has no real characters to identify with, little dialogue except that which she engages in with herself, comes to no resolution, reconciliation, nor does it offer any insight on how to fix the problems described It s victory is a grand exercise in failure, and then celebrating it As for Emilie Autumn s real name Emilie Liddell experience in a psychiatric ward, it strikes me primarily as an appeal for sympathy ignoring the fact that there really are people there who need help , a gross exaggeration, and an effort to shoehorn every experience directly or indirectly involving her into some conspiracy to make her a victim And to me this seems to be done mostly out of boredom, for she isn t exactly stupid, and she is occasionally clever, but I think mostly suffering not from the effects of a world gone mad, but her own ball less ness and deficit of intention of growing up and taking some responsibility for her life And I don t mean paying bills for all I know she s made a zillion dollars selling this crap in a tin can, in which case would be a testament to the sorry world we really do live in Wah.She labels herself various forms of crazy while she s actually suffering from unresolved childhood abuse her primary disease today is something I would call a pathological narcissism She pretentiously pushes her behavior out to the edges of the bell curve to cash in on the oohs and aaahs from people who are impressed with her 11th grade attempt at creative writing while acting like a teen The text is unnecessarily wordy, and clouded with attempts to resurrect artistic canons which have been dead a long time These efforts neither help to convey her message, nor give it a reason to be said She mostly hangs her hat on the aesthetics of it all, which she also simultaneously exalts and insults It s so damn confusing.It seems she purports to be some kind of real life musician, and so I did some research To my dismay I found her music equally plagued with the sad habit of insulting all things she deems less clever or worthy than herself, but I will admit the melodies redeem themselves on occasions than this brick does I mean book.I don t deny that her pain in life has been real, I just think she s too wedded to it and still hasn t realized that her salvation is not in the attention she can draw from others, but what she can honestly give of herself if she ever decides to act her age She still confuses creativity with lying.All in all, I m left wanting to do two things Give her a hug, and then slap her face But then she would probably accuse me of trying to pinch her butt So f k it.Two stars. I would like to say that I was unable to relate to most of Emilie Autumn s harrowing tale of the time she spent in a mental institution for trying to kill herself and the parallel story that she created about a young girl in the Victorian era who was also sent to a mental institution I would like to say that I never thought of killing myself I would like to say that I never attempted to kill myself before On most days I forget that the event ever happened I have masterfully convinced myself that every moment of that summer was a dream, and that I am not that girl and I was never that girl and that it was just another story in my mind that felt real Real and painful but in the end, just make believe Like magic Like faeries Just another thing I made up but then began to believe in.But I cannot make Drew forget about it I cannot make my parents forget about it That summer was real to them then it was to me I spent it in a drugged sleep They spent it in a nightmare reality There are emotions they felt they I have never witnessed I heard that when I was in the emergency room my father had a crazed temper tantrum in the waiting room I have never once seen my father lose his temper I didn t see it then But Drew was forced to see it Depression is a rather rude houseguest Depression rarely calls ahead to see if it s a good time, and Depression never arrives alone It brings it friends Despair, Self Injury and Suicide Depression is the invisible plague In the end I was lucky because I was not committed to a mental hospital I swallowed a jar of Ibuprofen and was sent to a psychiatrist who I was able to convince of my sanity so quickly that after a half hour long session he did not ask to see me again After a life as a child of divorced parents, a victim of abuse, and a troubled teen I once wrote a death note to one of my classmates, I got into numerous fist fights in high school, and I have violently kicked in lockers and thrown desks I have only seen a psychiatrist twice Does that make me angry Do I wish I had received attention I had severe depression for two years years where I would sleep for eighteen hours a day and cry at every waking second, and I had no one to talk to No one wanted to talk to me No one thought I needed help They just considered my behavior as a sign of lazy rebelliousness I was acting out In a drunken speech a few months ago, I brought up my suicide attempt to my mother and she began to cry You were reaching out to me, she said But I wasn t I am not mad that I did not receive attention because that would mean that I had only ever cut myself or tried to kill myself to GAIN attention And I did not Nothing in my life has ever made me want to commit suicide than people s reaction to my trying to commit suicide.Besides, I was able to cure myself wasn t I The Cure That invisible spectrum that haunts the dreams of every poor soul that ever once thought of inflicting damage upon themselves in order to drown the voices in their head to be normal Just once Depression and suicide may sound romantic to a person standing on the outside looking in, and don t try deny it because you know it does, but I would never even wish such an emotion upon my evilest characters.I cured myself Or at least, was able to help myself forget, through my writing I wrote the demons and I told my story and I vomited worlds of darkness and suffering onto paper and onto computer screens Some of these worlds I shared with others while others I kept locked away I m not stupid I know exactly what s going on, and I m not fighting it If I have to go through this, I will glean from it any small benefit I can receive I will not fight this Bring it on Bring on the cure Bring on the fucking happy I m committed In a way, that is what Emilie did with this book It is a hard book to read The fictional parts are dramatized to make them sound horrific than they historically were and the accounts from Emilie s own experience are even numbing because you know that they are not make believe But I can sympathize with her desire to make the parallel, fictional story as bloody as possible because that is what your mind sees when you are plummeting through despair just endless grotesque scenes that would shake the heart of any sane person, but for you is as normal as the sun rising I know that my mind was and is still plagued by the most horrible thoughts But what is even worse is that I cannot actually see why they are horrifying I have had people read my stories only for them to freak out I ve had my sister call my father in a horrible panic, I ve had my mother cry because of something that I ve written down, and I never once thought that what I had written might have been something bad.Reading The Asylum for Wayward Victorian girls has caused all these old memories and thoughts to surface, and no, that is not exactly a good thing The first time I was ever able to write about my suicide attempt was two months ago, I think I m beginning to come to terms with it.Many people are writing about how hard it was for them to read some of the scenes in the book, and how it made them cry I read it with a certain amount of morbid fascination and admiration for Emilie s writing style I did not cry once I did not even think of crying I know that facing the demons is a good, positive thing And that is what Emilie did With this book she faced her demons It may be a hard read for some people who do not like to read about suffering and pain If you like to keep your library filled with positive, happy literature than do not even attempt to open this book It does contain within it endless sources of truth the truth of what it means to love, to hate, to suffer, and to believe in the power of your own creation to lead you out of the darkness The human mind is an abandoned house that must be filled with your own riches whether that house be a place of love and warmth, or whether it is an asylum. This book is ridiculous Not even in a good way I will give you a blow by blow summary, but first, a taste The book is filled with the somewhat edited ramblings of a drama queen When she voluntarily checks herself into the hospital, she expected something along the lines of this Instead, she got Please fill out this form When she didn t receive the grand fanfare she anticipated, she threw a fit and wrote a crappy book about it Then there s some crap about Alice in Wonderland and some other chick and bull and you know what, I need to exorcise this demon Here comes the full summary with my smart ass comments Enjoy hopefully than Emilie enjoyed her hospital stay and than I enjoyed this book You want to have fun with this book Play a drinking game 1 Every time she says stockings or crayon 2 She says something arrogant3 Uses a homophone incorrectly 4 Says something sexist5 Uses a British ismAlready off to a great start Wrong forward A few pages in and I m already confused I think it might be due to poor writing For one, there are several type o s and confusing sentence structures and references For example, Of the few friends I have ever divulged this story to, most have suggested It s just a mess of prepositions, really I think she does it to sound fanc ayyy Then we have her saying that she speaks the Queen s English, but she wasn t educated in Britain It states so clearly on her About the Author that she was born in LA Also, we have some sort of literary device that she was related to Alice Liddell Highly doubtful It sounded completely fabricated to add to the I m English, I m crazy, and I m special vibe I was starting to get Now, let me move onto her conversation with her shrink She claims she had a rational reason for committing suicide and everyone else is being ridiculous Still, she tells her shrink, and then is shocked when she s told she needs to go to a hospital immediately But then she goes to an institution that she received from a suicide hotline The shrink didn t help her find a hospital I guess he just said, Get thee to a nuthouse and hung up She then complains about filing paperwork at the new hospital, which should be no shocker to anyone who s mentally ill or physically ill, period Everyone who has been checked for a mental disorder has probably gotten The Sheet Mine was a magic marker checklist, you do it every time you go in for a mental tune up She continues to lament that she wished she d died, but checks into the hospital OF HER OWN ACCORD because she wanted to get her medication But if you really wanted to die, why would medication be an issue So does she want to commit suicide Or does she want help Does she not know what she wants Is this all part of the story or is it bad writing The world may never know Inside the doctor s room, she goes on a random tirade about how she doesn t sit at the edge of the room because the room is like a dark street at night and full of rapists And you re likely to get raped than hit by a car so she walks in the middle of the street Or something like that This is completely random and makes no sense, but luckily never addressed again as a nurse returns to pick up her paperwork Emilie freaks out a little at this point because there s a police officer standing somewhere in the vicinity I guess they don t have those in LA The next section is the official check in, where security goes through her things There s an odd detail about Emilie wondering if she ll regret checking herself in because of a sign that says Everyone needs to check in with security if they are to use the restroom Something tells me Emilie didn t do well in high school if that s what she s worrying about Though I like her sarcasm, she acts like not getting to keep her pens which you can use as a weapon or her clothes ur inna hospital gurl, its scrub chic round here was POOPY AND DEGRADING Also, she says she was allowed to keep her stockings Her knee high stockings I doubt this highly If they took her other shit, they would take this because you can make a damn noose out of these babies Whatever, she s in this place for like 72 hours at least Let s see, 72 divided by 24, that s three days It ll be okay I ve been detained at airports for longer than that You d think this girl has been sent to a frickin gulag the way she screams and bitches for a book and how she complains about the lights and screaming patients and whatnot So settle down and start learning some Russian We are now entering the Nuthouse Gulag Eventually she gets a red crayon, nearly pisses herself in excitement, complains about the manliness of the guards outside her room I m not even joking , and has moment of self awareness about how ridiculous she s being It s there for a paragraph and Oh, now it s gone.She s told that the hospital is overcrowded I ll let you in on a little secret they all are And then whines, But I was told it was 72 hours exactly You re keeping me here under false pretenses This is where the editors of a reality TV show would cut to her conversation with her shrink, who clear as day, states AT LEAST 72 hours The doctor seems pretty damn reasonable, all things considering There s no room What s he going to do Boot someone from their bed He leaves without falling for Emilie s bullshit, much to my relief The next segment is Emilie describing the building and people in it I do like her sense of humor when it s directed in the correct direction, like the rope to call the nurse otherwise, it just looks stupid Her humor falls flat when other patients get involved because see, they are the TRUE crazy ones That s how she refers to a patient with drug addiction, truly crazy Shit you not She continues to insult the poor woman by calling her Miss Nuttersby and making a snide comment that she suspects that Miss Nuttersby is not clever enough to produce sarcasm And Emilie would know, she has a PhD in sarcasm So clever Such intelligence The nicknames for the poor woman continue Duchess von Nutsberg, Her Nutsness, Queen of Nutsland, Nutscracker, President of Nut o the Month Club, and Mayor of Cracktown But, wait Now s a good time to remind the audience that Emilie is an advocate for mental illness awareness and patient rights Now enter Dr Sharpie Or Sharpe, whatever If that s your real name It s most likely not and made up just like her last name, Liddell It s like the Bella Swan of doctor names, sheesh She thinks him making a joke about insanity, based on her joke, mind you was crossing the line Okay, whatever Then she immediately makes an assumption based on his body posture that he s hitting on her It all sounded like a doctor who was awkwardly attempting bedside manner and making a few jokes based on what SHE said Even, if he was attracted to her, he never really did anything wrong The Paperclip Emilie is transferred to a different prison camp, and in order to construct a shiv to stab the Gestapo guard, grabs a paperclip on the floor She keeps it hidden in her room See, Emilie, this was why the nurses raided your room earlier You mocked them, and only to prove their point later I m not talking about this any because it s boring as hell At last, Emilie is transferred to a ward, or as she calls it, the ward for honest to god lunatics Our champion, ladies and gentlemen I wonder why she doesn t have any friends Dr Sharpie tries to be nice and gives her a book She immediately thinks she s being hit on Just accept the damn book so you can shut the fuck up about paperclips and being bored.EVIL DOCTOR SHARPIE makes sure Emilie s transfer goes well after she s moved upstairs THE NERVE OF THAT BASTARD He asks if she s only in the hospital to write a book, which makes Emilie extremely offended Oh, the irony Dr Sharpie suggests to Emilie that she may also have borderline personality disorder, which, based on this book, seems very possible Some of her comments about her family and friends suggest she has a my way or highway approach to relationships Don t get me wrong, I m sure she s had some crappy friends, but all of them All of them Honestly, it seemed like Dr Sharpie was right on point Everything that has happened, especially Dr Sharpie s perceived behavior, stems from Emilie s victim glasses Everyone and everything is against her and wants her to suffer Everything and I mean EVERYTHING must be about her, and if it s not, she throws a temper tantrum She s like Augustus Gloop when you take away his chocolate, hot damn I m sure this is due to trauma, but again, it sounds like Dr Sharpe was right, yet again Speaking of Augustus Gloop, let s take moment to talk about her meals and diet She talks about her food and diet like my diabetic grandpa I do think it sucks that she was given food that didn t correspond to her vegan diet, but she never told anyone She bitches and bitches about the food which sounded like typical cafeteria food Again, how did this girl survive high school She s acting like she s been served black bread and fish bone broth Since she didn t eat anything, the nurses were worried she was anorexic Seems reasonable, right Nope She flies off the handle about how people don t understand skinny people and judge her Meanwhile, she called her counselor morbidly obese and rotund Everyone is a liar and jerk before she even meets them She looks at their clothes and passes immediate judgement It s such bullshit, it ll make you cry So I left off with Emilie being moved to the Psych Ward, which she thinks is a derogatory term I d rather them call it Psych Ward then Rainbow Road or something like that And much to her shock DUN DUN DUN It s a co ed hospital And she is left vulnerable and unprotected Minus the powerful industrial doors, the security guards, her own quarters, and staff escorts, she is extremely, highly probably, most likely gonna die It is in the co ed section where she transforms into our straw feminist She goes on a man hating rant which is so freakin astonishing with its blatant prejudice that I had to take a drink That s one small step backward for womenkind, one small step backward for humankind, and one large step forward for the MRA s on Reddit Sharpie visits her again, and he is absolutely convinced that she is there to research a book OH HAHA Emilie, do you really not realize what you re confirming She thinks that he s hitting on her, but he s obviously trying to see if she is, in fact, in need of their services He probably thinks of it like a game Catch a Mole They probably get one of these Pulitzer wannabes once a week Now, correct me if I m wrong for I have no experience drinking hydrogen peroxide, but wouldn t that burn Like a lot I got a dilute concentration on the back of my neck once and it felt like I got sunburned So how is she talking How is she SINGING Another man comes to introduce himself to her WATCH OUT, EMILIE, THAT MAN HAS A PENIS and she immediately pegs him as a poseur, points out to the reader that he is ROTUND, and condemns him for asking questions to help her It s damned if you do, damned if you don t with Emilie Seriously, this man comes in, asks your standard questions How long have you had depression etc and she thinks, He is woefully underqualified for the task of dissecting a mind such as mine, or anyone s really WOW Just wow Echo echo The next day, Emilie asks the nurse for her notebook Then we have this lovely gem Inside her notebook she finds a weathered piece of parchment with handwriting that is so difficult to read that I strained my eyes trying to make it out I mean, look at this It s like trying to watch a 3D movie when you take your glasses off And it s all babble In fact, I think it s all one, long, run on sentence with splices than Frankenstein s monster She rambles about sugar and breaking sugar down into each element, and then she says that sugar contains acid This is sucrose Those are alcohol groups Those little OH s are alcohols As in OH, I was wrong about it being an acid And alcohol is not an element, it s a functional group Whatever The letter is really unimportant because it s stupid It s dinnertime and Emilie s misanthropy and prejudice rears its ugly head yet again She calls a troubled, young man a rapist in training He hasn t done anything to get this title, other than being mentally ill and eating yogurt Another man who she describes as having an overly developed body like he s a photograph or something smashes a guitar, which Emilie wonders why he has in the first place I don t know, probably the same reason why you get to keep your stockings She continues to talk about the other patients how their families have left them for good and how they aren t receiving the proper care that they need It affects her personally no really, she somehow manages to turn their pain into her own When I read this part, it was almost comical I thought she would have a moment of realization that others had it worse than her NOPE It became about her again Annnd I m done I can t put up with this narcissistic babble any longer I would play her a sad song on my violin, but it seems she s already beaten me to it I m outtie.
- 264 pages
- The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls
- Emilie Autumn
- 12 January 2018 Emilie Autumn