Boys & Sex

Boys & Sex NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLERThe Author Of The Groundbreaking New York Times Bestsellers Girls Sex And Cinderella Ate My Daughter Now Turns Her Focus To The Sexual Lives Of Young Men, Once Again Offering Both An Examination Of Sexual Culture And A Guide On How To Improve It Washington PostPeggy Orenstein S Girls Sex Broke Ground, Shattered Taboos, And Launched Conversations About Young Women S Right To Pleasure And Agency In Sexual Encounters It Also Had An Unexpected Effect On Its Author Orenstein Realized That Talking About Girls Is Only Half The Conversation Boys Are Subject To The Same Cultural Forces As Girls Steeped In The Same Distorted Media Images And Binary Stereotypes Of Female Sexiness And Toxic Masculinity Which Equally Affect How They Navigate Sexual And Emotional Relationships In Boys Sex, Peggy Orenstein Dives Back Into The Lives Of Young People To Once Again Give Voice To The Unspoken, Revealing How Young Men Understand And Negotiate The New Rules Of Physical And Emotional IntimacyDrawing On Comprehensive Interviews With Young Men, Psychologists, Academics, And Experts In The Field, Boys Sex Dissects So Called Locker Room Talk How The Word Hilarious Robs Boys Of Empathy Pornography As The New Sex Education Boys Understanding Of Hookup Culture And Consent And Their Experience As Both Victims And Perpetrators Of Sexual Violence By Surfacing Young Men S Experience In All Its Complexity, Orenstein Is Able To Unravel The Hidden Truths, Hard Lessons, And Important Realities Of Young Male Sexuality In Today S World The Result Is A Provocative And Paradigm Shifting Work That Offers A Much Needed Vision Of How Boys Can Truly Move Forward As Better Men

Peggy Orenstein is a best selling author and a contributing writer for The New York Times Magazine Orenstein has also written for such publications as The Los Angeles Times, USA Today, Vogue, Elle, Discover, More, Mother Jones, Salon, O The Oprah Magazine, and The New Yorker, and has contributed commentaries to NPR s All Things Considered Her articles have been anthologized multiple times,

[Reading] ➺ Boys & Sex  ➰ Peggy Orenstein –
  • ebook
  • 304 pages
  • Boys & Sex
  • Peggy Orenstein
  • 08 August 2018
  • 9780062666994

10 thoughts on “Boys & Sex

  1. says:

    That s the problem, Rob said None of my friends talk about feelings If you were hung up over a girl, they d be like, Stop being a bitch Very, very interesting book I liked Boys Sex quite a lot than Girls Sex, though why is a bit harder to decipher It might be that I knew what to expect from this one lots of anecdotes from a small ish sample not really a social study with a definitive conclusion It might be that the sample size was larger and stretched to trans boys it felt with the times than Girls Sex, which occasionally had a dated quality to it It might just be, simply, that this topic was interesting to me When I read Girls Sex, I had already read a lot and experienced a lot about girls and sex It didn t offer anything that fresh or interesting Girls sexuality might be historically repressed and shamed, but I feel like these days it is men who don t really talk about sex or are talked to about sex At least not in a way that is helpful Not in a way that really considers consent, what that means, true intimacy, and their feelings about casual hook ups beyond male bragging I know what many women think about sex and sexuality I have read opinions from women from all over the world, across all cultures, races, religions and sexualities I know so little about what men and boys think about sex, other than that they re supposed to want a lot of it.One of the things that struck me immediately and, by her own admission, surprised the author was how very willing all these boys were to talk about their experiences and their feelings The author noted that it was almost as if they had been waiting their whole lives for someone to ask them, to care how they felt That is heartbreaking And the problem goes so deep that this book made me equal parts miserable and hopeful.One of the major conclusions the author made early on one that is frustrating for women like me is how, try as we might, women are not the ones who can really make this change happen It s going to require men to break the cycle Fathers, male guardians and teachers, and other male role models They need to show young boys that it s okay to be vulnerable, to talk about your feelings, to say no to locker room talk But when these adults have their own trouble expressing their emotions, how is that possible Not only do boys consistently look to male role models for how to behave but, as Orenstein points out, asking women to shoulder the emotional burden only perpetuates the problem Men need to talk to one another And that s the real challenge.Women can help in some ways, though One thing the author noted hit me as surprisingly true These days, many parents are quick to correct false depictions of what it means to be a woman in media that Disney movie is fun, but that s not what women really look like etc but they don t do the same for boys There is this strange assumption that it is primarily girls views of the world that need correcting Parents, in general, aren t telling boys that those tiny waisted Disney girls have no space for a uterus or, perhaps importantly, that porn is not a reflection of real sexual relationships Or it shouldn t be.However, I did have some of the same problems with this that I did with Girls Sex I won t spend as much time on it, but I do dislike some of the sweeping generalised claims Orenstein makes, such as that Young American men receive messages that they should conform to rigid gender roles in the home than other nationalities This is so vague What All other nationalities Surely not I really think her books would benefit from citations in the main body of text and not just a lengthy bibliography at the back.I m aware I m being picky and not everyone will have this problem in fact, some people have been irritated with me in the past for daring to have this problem but I just think the book would be improved by better referencing and clarification I m still a Poli Sci student at heart, I guess.The main conclusion to Boys Sex is virtually the same as Girls Sex, and it is this Education, education, education Require it in schools Talk about it at home Not just in a one off The Talk , but in an ongoing, open discussion of sex, intimacy, relationships, masturbation, porn, LGBTQ and consent As someone who has seen the most sweet, open, accepting, self proclaimed feminist of men retreat inside their own internalized masculine stereotypes when they get into a group of their peers, I did wonder while reading this how this change was realistically going to happen I am comforted somewhat by the thought of how very far we ve come with women in such a short space of time Maybe what seems a terrifying uphill climb actually won t take that long once the idea is allowed to flourish the idea that it s okay for men to be vulnerable and talk about their feelings I hope so Our boys and girls deserve better.Warnings for depictions of rape, sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, abuse and seriously coprophagia.Facebook Instagram

  2. says:

    Having read Orenstein s Girls Sex Navigating the Complicated New Landscape , two things came immediately to mind about her latest venture, 1 she made sure to be a lot inclusive in her selection of interviewees, and 2 she pulled together a lot resources.While Girls Sex was certainly a good place to start, Orenstein fell short in allowing the research to speak for itself there was often too much of an injection of her own thoughts and opinions on the subject of how we empower and or mishandle the sexual education of young girls and women.In her defense, it had to be difficult not to personalize some of the content, being a woman and mother herself.That said, this latest entree doesn t fall short in that department Orenstein is plenty hands off and the book feels put together and complete than its predecessor.The young men interviewed within come from nearly every slice of life rich to poor, heterosexual to transgender, Black and white, academic to athletic, etc.I appreciated the attempt to be inclusive particularly with such a small sample 100 boys and young men because I felt she was less focused on doing that with the women as such the book came off stilted and failed to truly represent the challenges of Black women and girls as well as it should have.That said, I still feel the Black perspective is missing from this book.The young men she chose to interview spend less time actually obsessing over navigating the sexual landscape than they do the white one which is to say they are cautious because they understand the possibility of trouble lurking should an encounter go wrong.I suspect their attitudes would have been relevant had Orenstein interviewed them in a diverse setting.The same can be said of the one trans man she chose to interview a man who won t be hard to find given her description and his notoriety as I wondered how different the view might have been had she interviewed both a Black and white trans from varying backgrounds.While I understand you can t hit every chord, the chords that were missed, were noticeable.Still, there is a lot of great information offered and it definitely provides a starting point for a deeper conversation.

  3. says:

    This is not my favorite style of covering topics lots of interviews, no analysis or research But I knew what it was because I read the girls one I learned a lot mostly because I wasn t close with any teenage boys no brothers or best friends who talked about this stuff so these revelations were nuts And If I had boys thank God I don t , the one thing I would definitely ban is porn.

  4. says:

    Extremely interesting and helpful Have already ordered another book she referenced Review to come Literally read it in 48 hours.

  5. says:

    In Boys Sex, researcher Peggy Orenstein explores how toxic masculinity affects the sexual behavior of American Millenial and Gen Z boys Her basic premise is that from an early age, male children in this demographic are taught to limit their emotional vocabulary, which only gets worse as they are exposed to media stereotypes, free internet porn, lack of sexual education at home and at school, and the unfulfilling expectation or reality of hookup culture, all of which combine to negatively impact their emotional and sexual literacy I identified with a lot of the anecdotal research in Boys Sex In particular, I like how the author explains that while the definition of womanhood has expanded to include many different types of women, men are still stuck with a 1950s ideal of male empowerment which basically consists of being stoic, dominant and emotionally inaccessible at all times think Don Draper.While I felt at times that Peggy Orenstein relied too much on her own assumptions and inherent biases when drawing conclusions about American boys, I would recommend this book, or at least the resources inside it, to everyone It s clearly targeted at parents with sons in high school and college but if you know any boys or young men, you will gain valuable insight into their lives and psyches from Boys Sex And no matter who you are, you will likely learn something about yourself too.I really appreciate that rather than simply leaving the reader helpless to address the many factors influencing teen boys today for example, the paywall hindering access to ethical, feminist porn and broadly, ethical, feminist media in general the author provides resources and tips for preventative and reformative measures As a woman, I m aware that I am disproportionally expected to provide emotional labor to men, but I was not familiar with research showing that young boys flat out do not express their feelings to other boys or men, meaning that women such as mothers or girlfriends are often their only confidantes The author recommends that adults, especially father figures, talk to young boys about their feelings just as we would talk to young girls about theirs I also really liked the author s ideas about restorative justice in cases of campus sexual assault and grey area bad experiences think the Aziz Ansari Me Too accusation , and her advice that parents should consistently emphasize the importance of sex as pleasure for everyone involved As someone whose sexual education in school was only slightly informative than the classic Mean Girls lines, Don t have sex You will get pregnant and die, and If you touch each other, you will get chlamydia and die, I feel that children and teenagers would benefit immensely from sexual education that touches on emotional as well as physical well being It seems incredibly novel that future generations of children and teens might be taught to touch themselves and others consensually for the purpose of pleasure, without the pressure and miscommunication that hinders my generation s sexuality Overall, I would recommend this book to anyone I m giving four stars only because I would have appreciated research regarding different demographics of boys and men but I learned a lot from this book and I m sure I will consult it regularly.Although the author does not delve into media content that explores the issues presented in her book, I would highly recommend the HBO tv shows, Mrs Fletcher and Euphoria, for further reference Both do an amazing job presenting and confronting realistic portrayals of the effect of toxic masculinity on adolescent male sexuality and could be viewed as companions to Boys Sex.

  6. says:

    Peggy Orenstein has been my personal hero for over a decade She s the reason I became a gender scholar I was excited to hear about this book, but I believe she was too easy on some of these processes I appreciated what seemed like her reluctance to join into cancel culture with some of these boys, but a boy who sexually harasses and sexually assaults his peers who are girls is not a good boy I don t care if he volunteers and if he loves his mom It s hard to stand up for what you believe in It sucks to lose social capital for putting your peers and your teammates on the spot when they say shitty things about girls But it s our job And it s unexcusable to not expect this of the boys we re raising.

  7. says:

    Not great, not terrible

  8. says:

    Generally full of thoughtfully presented information A few parts did feel shaming of sex workers and people who tended toward having many sexual partners There was no discussion of ethical porn, which I was surprised by.

  9. says:

    With Girls and Sex, Peggy Orenstein gave readers powerful glimpses into the lived realities of teenage girls, with an adept mix of personal connection, theoretical acumen, and action based advice Boys and Sex begins with a similar promise by interviewing young men and collecting data for two years, Orenstein has developed insights into how young men experience masculinity and what society can do to steer them away from misogynistic patterns Writing this in the context of Trump era definitions of sexual misconduct, Orenstein ably unpacks the impact it has on boys when sexual misconduct exists at high levels, and she explains how detrimental it is to have egregious models that make microaggressions seem permissible or even like applaudable behavior She seems to have built strong, trusting relationships with her subjects, and she talked to individuals of varied racial, ethnic, gendered, and sexual identities, although the white, upper middle class man receives the bulk of the attention and issues of class socioeconomics are not touche on By concluding with a call to action that requires, first, a broad redefinition of masculinity and, second, individualized strategies for talking early and often to boys about sexuality, Orenstein envisions a new paradigm that seems at once impossibly out of reach but also, because of the conversations she had with her subjects, aspirational.

  10. says:

    An absolutely urgent and necessary body of work from a true expert Orenstein conducts interviews with boys from various backgrounds, compiling case studies and statistics to show how boys are affected by toxic masculinity, porn, and a lack of discussion about sex in general In short, they are suffering The book includes difficult things to read, but Orenstein presents solutions or at least first steps that can help all kids boys, girls, and non gender conformists live healthier, happier, and authentic lives.

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